Hopper Whitman Summer Brew Pale Ale

Last week my wife announced she was going to visit our local shrine to German ingenuity, Aldi, to pick up some random item from 'the middle aisle'. The 'brand' names always seem to be shit like 'Sunny Valley Retreat', 'Shady Pine Woods', or some other name that resembles an area Jason Vorhees would be likely to go on a killing spree in a Friday the 13^th movie.  Aldi is the only store I can think of where you can leave with canned spaghetti, smoked salmon, and a new set of golf clubs. On the website they were advertising slabs of Leffe for $40. A glistening oasis amidst the desert too appealing to pass by, so I tagged along.

After traversing the cluttered hallways of products named after retirement homes, neither of us found what we were after. There was no Leffe to be seen. I had been duped by a mirage. Not wanting to leave empty handed, I scanned the liqour corner for something else.

I spotted this pale ale at $13 a six pack. With a moniker like 'Hopper Whitman', it sounded like the name of the 2^nd basemen in a B-grade comedy about a ramshackle baseball team that makes the World Series against all the odds.  I assumed it to be some kind of Aldi re-brand , but the label claimed it was an imported beer from New York. I was not entirely convinced, and gave the dude at the checkout a sceptical look as he scanned it in. A look that made it known that I was not fooled by their beguiling ways, and that I just like cheap grog. I don't think he noticed.

The whole experience of the Hopper Whitman Pale Ale is very Aldi. The label looks like a feigned attempt at a well known brand. The beer looks like it's meant to, and tastes reminiscent of a similar product you've had before. In short, like everything else at Aldi, it does the job at a remarkable price, but leaves you feeling just that little bit hollow afterwards.

Flavour-wise, there is a bit of toffee/caramel sweetness, citrus, and a light touch of hops. The overall delivery is a bit flat, kind of like how I imagine a German comedian to be, if there were any. At $13 though you really can't complain. There are less impressive beers out there charging a higher price of admission.

It's okay. It is what it is.

Funnily enough, 'Aldi Ale' would've been a title truly befitting of this beer.

2.5 $60 Stand Up Paddle Boards / 5

Boatrocker Smash New World Hop Ale

Many moons ago, a mysterious bottle shop attendant recommended me a beer named 'Alpha Queen', brewed by a couple of guys in Richmond.  The name of the brewery was Boatrocker.  It was one of my very first forays into the craft beer world.  My gateway beer.  It became a regular purchase before eventually vanishing into thin air, just as swiftly and unexpectedly as it had entered my life.

The Boatrocker boys appear to have returned from the void, as their beers are once more gracing the shelves of my local bottle shops.  What better than their 'New World Hop Ale' to symbolise this voyage into the unknown.

We are now entering summer.  The time of year when beer is not all about IBU's, Trappist monks, or being brewed with rare Moroccan coffee beans that are only grown in Youseff's farm 40 minutes out of Marrakech.

Think of those times when you are seriously hot and bothered.  Remember being up against the fence in the front row at Festival Hall?  And it feels about 50 degrees?  A place so devoid of relief that even the bass player's spit striking you across the forehead could bring about a mild feeling of refreshment, until the security staff finally splashed you in the face with a $7 bottle of Mount Franklin.

This beer is that moment of relief.

It is light, crisp, and definitively refreshing.
 
I feel like Scrooge McDuck going for his morning swim in the vault, except in a parallel universe where KFC refresher towels are the chosen form of currency.

The flavours are simple.  Malt, citrus, grass, hops.  Carbonation is kept to a tidy minimum.  Nothing is overpowering, nor is it underwhelmed.
 
I am reminded of playing Mortal Kombat back in the day at Timezone, and some Korean kid would inevitably appear at the machine and interrupt your game with his rogue dollar.

You would no doubt end up the same way this beer has been put together.

Flawlessly executed.

4/5 KFC Refresher Towels.

Mountain Goat IPA

After my first day back in the office today I came charging through the front door in a disheveled state, frantically reaching out for the nearest beer like a poison victim scrambling after an antidote.  To my excitement, the first bottle I clambered upon was this IPA by Mountain Goat.  Most people from Melbourne should be well and truly familiar with the Goat by now, as their range of Ales are just about as well known as Little Creatures and Matilda Bay.  While I will happily acknowledge that they make great beers, admittedly their placement in the market is a touch overpriced.  I'm happy to pay for quality, but they're about as expensive as an imported Sierra Nevada, and at the end of the day that is a bit of a stretch.

The very last beer I had on my 365 day challenge was their 'Rare Breed' IPA, which is a single release handcrafted IPA that set me back a whopping $16.  Some attribute it's release to the tipping of the fiscal cliff.  Yes, it is brilliant, but that one beer is the price of an entire six pack of something else.  Unless they are providing respite for a gang of Trappist monks hiding out in Richmond, they could perhaps reel it in just a little.  The point has been made, so let's just move on to the beer itself.

It looks promising out of the bottle, pouring a toffee/amber like colour.   There is little to no carbonation, which takes the sting out, much like a failed Police reunion.  I can't remember exactly, but I believe the Rare Breed had a similar appearance.  The flavours are definitely bold, without going overboard.  Citrus fruits, malt, hops, a touch of pine, it's standard fare that is perhaps a touch darker and maltier than many other Aussie IPAs.  The balance between the supporting flavours and the swag of hops is exactly what was lacking in the BBC Figjam.  Everything melds together here in much more of a harmonious fashion.  At the end of the day it's really just a little brother to the Rare Breed, which while not pushing the boundaries of creativity, is still not a bad thing.  They are both cracking beers.

Speaking of creativity, what's with the name?  All of their beers have unique titles like the 'High Tail', or 'Rare Breed'.  This has no name.  They could have called it 'Cliff Hopper' or something...  playing off the mountain goat and hopped IPA angle.

Whens all said and done, this is a great beer and reserves it's spot among the better IPAs on the market.


8/10

BBC FIGJAM

It's over 40 degrees today in Melbourne.  Despite the air con working it's hardest to douse the inferno, I am still stuck fast to my leather recliner.  It is to the point where difficulty is found separating the two entities, almost as if I have become one with the chair in a non-consensual embrace.  The only remedy for this matter is a delicious cold beer.  So what better occasion to crack out this limited edition IPA, hand crafted by none other than Nathan Buckley himself?

I kid, I kid.  The 'FIGJAM' is a 'on the side' single run by Burleigh Brewing Co from Queensland.  And If you don't know what FIGJAM means, then I suggest you go look it up.  BBC is another award winning Australian micro, and they have a couple of absolutely cracking beers.  Adversely, they have also pumped out a few that missed the mark.  Nevertheless I was quietly confident that this 650ml IPA would be worth ponying up the $9 required to hire it's services.

The tagline they are using for this beer is 'A heavyweight that's light on it's feet'.  It's no surprise then that this Mike Tyson-esque braggadocio is aptly followed by a four paragraph blurb that quite literally chews your ear off.  I'm thirsty, ain't nobody got time for that.

FIGJAM enters the auditorium with adequate fanfare, pouring a glorious deep golden orange with a soapy head, and a body so thick you would fail to see a stampeding hippopotamus coming at you through the other side of the glass.  An eruptive nose of fruit and hops wafts from the surface, making it all the more alluring.

After consuming a considerable amount of this IPA, I was left in a certain state of bemusement.  I can see what they were trying to do...  but I'm just not sure as to whether or not I am personally happy with the result.  The base flavours are well and truly buried under bitter hops, to the weight of Rosie O'Donnell riding a Diplodocus.  There's an episode of 'Dino Riders' I'm glad I missed as a child.  It's not over the top, it's bearable, but the overall product seems slightly confused.  It is light on it's feet, and the citrus flavours are nicely blended, but the SPAS-12 shotgun blast of hops just doesn't mix well.

I know it's an IPA, it has to be that way, but at the same time you have to either go big or go home.  This could have been a really nice Pale Ale with a curtailing of the hops.  Or it may even have been a cracking IPA with a boost in the supporting flavours, and a richer palette all round.  I know these guys are based in Queensland, so it's preferable to have a beer that is easy to drink in hot weather, but from where I'm (uncomfortably) sitting, this is a beer that lost it's identity somewhere along the way.

Still, good beer, but there are a host of better alternatives out there both locally and overseas.

7/10

Stone & Wood Jasper Ale

Stone & Wood are a Byron Bay brewery that took the local beer scene by storm with their award winning Pacific Ale.  The Pacific is a very light and fruity summer beer, so I was interested to see how they fared upon defecting to the dark side.  While I wasn't quite sure of the style they were aiming for with the 'Jasper Ale', the maroon label led me to believe it may be a red or amber ale.  For some reason I also couldn't get 'Ol' Jasper' from The Simpsons out of my head when staring at the bottle.

"Moonpies.  What a time to be alive."  Indeed.

Upon pouring the beer, all suspicions were laid to rest as a darkened amber colour filled the glass, with a rich streak of red, packing real depth and lacing.  Visually, it looks great.  I'm choosy with dark beers, but this one looked as solid  off the bat as a Dean Jones hook on a hard pitch.  Pale Ales tend to have that Hayley Williams 'ranga' sort of colour to them, whereas this is more of a Christina Hendricks blood orange, and it appears to pack the same junk in the trunk.  It was now time to investigate further.

I will give them this...  Stone & Wood do not conform to any trend.  They do not pigeonhole themselves, or try and reinvent the wheel.  Their own legacy is forged.  The reason this ale has an ambiguous title is that it brings with it a cavalcade of attributes that you could relate to various genres of beer.  It has the caramel hues that some APAs have, it has the nutty and sticky toffee feel of an amber, combined with the malt driven base of a red ale.  They've taken the better part of predominantly winter beers and forged their own indoor friendly gem.  Despite all of that interbreeding, this low carbonated affair goes down like an Italian soccer player during a light breeze, and is truly as well rounded as Karl Pilkington's head.

If anything, it's perhaps a touch restrained.  Some of these well crafted flavours could have been bigger, but I know that isn't necessarily their style.  S & W beers are well balanced and easy to drink.  This would be the textbook perfect dark beer to introduce to someone who has never ventured outside the realms of fizzy yellow swill.  A fellow who lives on Porters and Stouts might feel it to be a touch anorexic, but at the end of the day this beer finds it own spot on the shelf and holds it down.

Top stuff Stone & Wood.

7.5/10

Sail & Anchor Monkey's Fist

Today's patient under examination is a Pale Ale by a brewery named 'Sail & Anchor', from Fremantle in WA.  While this is all contentious, many do consider Sail & Anchor to be one of the pioneers of craft beer in Australia.  The founders started the brewery in the early 80's, also gave birth to Matilda Bay, and then were  involved with the legendary Little Creatures.  Such a prestigious pedigree must lend to a brilliant sense of excitement...  however all is not as rosy as the background suggests.  Sail & Anchor was bought out by Woolworths (ALH Group), the historical brewery then shut down, and operations moved to another location.  S & A is now a mere marketing operation by one of the giants of food & beverage in Australia, so it is hard to know what to expect, but my inkling is that this will be but a sheep in wolves' clothing.

The pour of the beer makes no attempt to allay this by wearing a traditional APA amber colour.  It looks nice, but on further inspection is completely transparent and clear as day.  The label pronounces that the Monkey's Fist packs a 'hidden punch' so perhaps this was all part of the plan.  Am I simply being lulled in to a false sense of security before a hop-fisted orangutan socks me in the jaw?

No.  No I am not.  

Unless they have hidden it in the surrounds of Area 51, this beer has about as much place in the world of 'punch' as Gary Glitter does in childcare.  There are some stone fruit flavours, and a graze of hops, but all in all listening to a Kim Kardashian monologue about paint drying to the soundtrack of 'Titanic' is a more exciting prospect than drinking this again. There's always a feeling of disenchantment when you sit down to enjoy something you love, and then find yourself wishing it would just hurry the fuck up and finish.  Transformers 2 being the pinnacle of such emotions.

The bottle says that it packs a hidden punch, a knock-out blend of hops, and a tingling bitter aftertaste.  You would struggle to find a copywriter so willing to stamp such bullshit on a campaign, but I guess Mitt Romney's writers are now looking for ways to pay the bills.

To be fair though, it isn't a horrible beer.  Politics aside, it is just a very weak, run of the mill APA that the industry just does not need.  There are far worse beers, and from memory it was very reasonably priced.  For someone already jaded with the world however, seeing a massive corporate behemoth gut a microbrewery just to don it's skin and prance about like 'one of the little guys' leaves a bad taste in my mouth.  Literally and figuratively.

5.5/10

Dogfish Head India Brown Ale

Tonight announces my return to the world of beer following a brief period of whisky drinking, primarily due to an overindulgence on the former during the Spring Carnival and festive season, which came to a head on a certain day where just as much beer exited my stomach as did enter it... but that will remain another story.  Now I don't mind a nice Scotch or Irish Whisky, but it's not something you can really drink all the time, and in my opinion they are not capable of quenching a thirst the same way a great beer does.  

While standing over the wok this evening sizzling up a stir fry, I had a sudden Zen moment where I triumphantly decided... 'It is time to return'.  So without hesitation, I kicked the mistress to the curb and decided to stay true to the one I love most.  Upon opening the fridge to embark on a scouting operation to obtain intel on potential targets, I located an 'India Brown Ale' by Dogfish Head.  If you didn't already know, these guys mean serious business, and a number of their Ales have scored very highly amongst my reviews.  If you ever happened to catch 'Beer Wars' or 'Brew Masters' on Discovery, Dogfish Head was the brewery most prominently featured.  They quite often are behind some of the craziest shit in the industry, including a green beer brewed with algae.  They have even taken residue from archaeological digs, and attempted to recreate beer recipes as far back as 9000 years old!

I am going to be quite forthright in saying that I didn't even know what an 'India Brown Ale' was.  I know Brown Ales, and I know India Pale Ales...  but not necessarily an 'India Brown Ale'.  My initial guess is that this is some Frankenstinian combination of the two, that an unsupervised brewer mashed together in a rust ridden shed on a stormy night, reaching to the lightning and cackling towards the thunderous sky.  "It's Alive!" he would have shouted, had that not already been the tagline for their algae beer...

The pour of the beer is quite brilliant.  Even though it advertises as a brown ale of sorts, I was not expecting such a punishingly dark colour.  The look is almost like a Guinness sans the froth. The visual appearance really is great, and not all dark beers can say that, and despite not being a huge dark beer fan I was aching to get a taste. This is also where it gets difficult to describe.  There is so much going on here, in such a subtle fashion, that it truly has to be experienced rather than told.  This is like 'The Matrix' of beers.  There is caramel and brown sugar, there are dark roasted malts, there is bitter chocolate, there is the unmistakable wallop of hops...  BUT...  everything has been constructed so carefully and with such delicacy that the intimidation factor of this beer is miniscule.  This is better than building a perfect house out of playing cards, they've done it with Tetris blocks.

Fucking bravo.  This is an incredible achievement and an astonishing effort.  By no means is this my favourite beer, it would only be on the fringes of the ballpark, but purely in recognition of the talent and ability required to actually create this number I have to show respect where it is due.

God I love beer.

8/10