Dogfish Head India Brown Ale

Tonight announces my return to the world of beer following a brief period of whisky drinking, primarily due to an overindulgence on the former during the Spring Carnival and festive season, which came to a head on a certain day where just as much beer exited my stomach as did enter it... but that will remain another story.  Now I don't mind a nice Scotch or Irish Whisky, but it's not something you can really drink all the time, and in my opinion they are not capable of quenching a thirst the same way a great beer does.  

While standing over the wok this evening sizzling up a stir fry, I had a sudden Zen moment where I triumphantly decided... 'It is time to return'.  So without hesitation, I kicked the mistress to the curb and decided to stay true to the one I love most.  Upon opening the fridge to embark on a scouting operation to obtain intel on potential targets, I located an 'India Brown Ale' by Dogfish Head.  If you didn't already know, these guys mean serious business, and a number of their Ales have scored very highly amongst my reviews.  If you ever happened to catch 'Beer Wars' or 'Brew Masters' on Discovery, Dogfish Head was the brewery most prominently featured.  They quite often are behind some of the craziest shit in the industry, including a green beer brewed with algae.  They have even taken residue from archaeological digs, and attempted to recreate beer recipes as far back as 9000 years old!

I am going to be quite forthright in saying that I didn't even know what an 'India Brown Ale' was.  I know Brown Ales, and I know India Pale Ales...  but not necessarily an 'India Brown Ale'.  My initial guess is that this is some Frankenstinian combination of the two, that an unsupervised brewer mashed together in a rust ridden shed on a stormy night, reaching to the lightning and cackling towards the thunderous sky.  "It's Alive!" he would have shouted, had that not already been the tagline for their algae beer...

The pour of the beer is quite brilliant.  Even though it advertises as a brown ale of sorts, I was not expecting such a punishingly dark colour.  The look is almost like a Guinness sans the froth. The visual appearance really is great, and not all dark beers can say that, and despite not being a huge dark beer fan I was aching to get a taste. This is also where it gets difficult to describe.  There is so much going on here, in such a subtle fashion, that it truly has to be experienced rather than told.  This is like 'The Matrix' of beers.  There is caramel and brown sugar, there are dark roasted malts, there is bitter chocolate, there is the unmistakable wallop of hops...  BUT...  everything has been constructed so carefully and with such delicacy that the intimidation factor of this beer is miniscule.  This is better than building a perfect house out of playing cards, they've done it with Tetris blocks.

Fucking bravo.  This is an incredible achievement and an astonishing effort.  By no means is this my favourite beer, it would only be on the fringes of the ballpark, but purely in recognition of the talent and ability required to actually create this number I have to show respect where it is due.

God I love beer.

8/10

Temple Pale Ale

After Gage Road's less than inspiring Lager, the decision was made to return to my go to style of beer - the American Pale Ale.  These days the APA market is as gargantuan as Felix Baumgartner's testicles, and breaking into it is about as easy as bobsledding down a sand dune.  Temple is a brewery based on the northern side of the Yarra, in the hipster haven of Brunswick, and they have written the word 'beer' in no less than seven different languages on the bottle.  Not unlike a menu from a Fitzroy restaurant.  They have a decent range of beers from what I've seen on the shelf, but this will be the first cab off the rank for yours truly.

The pour of the beer is admittedly underwhelming.  The initial appearance is attractive, like a glass full of darkened honey in colour, but the body does present a bit like Kate Moss after a 3 day bender where she's only managed to eat a Salada and three Tic Tacs.  There is no haze or granulated elements in the body, it's just a clear glass of beer.  Lacking is that solid oomph that the stronger Pale Ales tend to pull off.

Taste-wise however, it doesn't really take many wrong steps.  The supporting flavours are very delicate, which does work seamlessly with the smooth feel of the beer.  Imagine headbutting a silk pillow, covered in caramel, malt and nuts.  It's all very laid back, except for the usual life of the party.  The hops aren't hiding away in the corner, and are as pronounced as John Travolta's chin during a 3D screening at IMAX.  It feels slightly off kilter at first, and while the pendulum never quite returns to center, there's enough balance to earn a passing grade.  If you like a smooth, hopped Pale Ale, then this is a solid beer.  Those who are looking for more of a firecracker will probably be disappointed.

There's enough to go off here to say that I would be interested in trying some other beers from Temple.  There is a time and a place for everything, and while this would never be my first choice, on a hot day it would still trump the watery beers that most people go for under these conditions.  I'm looking at you Corona.

6.5/10

Gage Roads Premium Lager

The last Gage Roads' beer that I had was their ambitiously titled 'Atomic Ale', which was most certainly a tasty and sessionable ale, but the problem with the marketing of that beer was that it was in fact about as atomic as Ethiopia's nuclear weapons program.  It was overall a very restrained and safe pale ale, that never quite picked up the nerve to take off it's seat belt.  It's probably logical to assume that a lager from the same brewery is not going to bring the house down, but given it was on sale and I was thirsty, in to the trolley it went.

Anyone that has been around the block once or twice on the beer circuit knows that seeing the words 'Premium', and 'Lager',  together on a bottle is more likely the firing of a warning shot to send you running, rather than a cunning ploy to lure drinkers in to a delicious ambush.  You see it all the time on a big brewer's labels, when in actual fact what lurks inside is watery fizzy yellow crap that you would only otherwise drink at an office christmas party or a wedding, because it's free and, well let's be honest, it still does the job when consumed in large quantities.  'Premium' in the beer world is more an attempt at compensation, rather than braggadocio.  It is the Porsche Cayenne of beer basically.

Gage's entry in to the world of 'Premium Lagers' starts off with a bang the size of a small cap gun, being fired by a midget, riding a Shetland pony.  The beer pours a light amber/yellow colour, with a weak fizz that eventuates in to nothingness.  The excitement I felt while eyeing off the glass was reminiscent of the the first time you watched Matrix Revolutions.  You know they've probably fucked it up, but you can always hope for the best.  The feel of the beer is sharp, and the carbonation has that biting sting to it.  It's slightly overkill and makes the beer feel artificial in my eyes.  The flavours though, are not bad at all.  The taste is light and grassy, with feint grains and malts.  Nothing exciting at all, but it's all taped together well enough that it doesn't fall apart on you like a Chinese motorcycle.

This is not a terrible beer, nor is it a good beer.  It's a 'slightly-better-than-the-big-guys' lager, but to be frank there are better alternatives on the market if you're into the bottom fermented variety of the world's favourite beverage.  I don't recommend you go out and buy it, but if you had to choose between this and a Pure Blonde or something, then Gage Roads would win by a nose.

4.5/10

2012 Sierra Nevada Southern Hemisphere Harvest Fresh Hop Ale

Last year I tried the 2011 SN Northern Hemisphere Harvest, which is described as a 'wet hop' ale as opposed to the 'fresh hop' ale moniker that adorns the version derived from the bottom end of the Earth.  Drinking that beer was a gargantuan undertaking, as it was the equivalent of 3.8 standard drinks, and the 'wet hop' element meant that the hops were added without being dried out first, and I can sure as hell tell you it made a difference.  The oily bitterness was a synergy of pain and pleasure that has to be experienced rather than be explained.  Or you could perhaps just go to an S & M Club.  50 shades of hops.

Being a North American brewer, I was not aware that they did a Southern version and was keen to give this one a whirl.  While 'fresh hops' sounds more enticing and less deadly than 'wet hops', I imagine the difference is akin to nothing more than trading in a taipan bite for that of a tiger snake.

Sierra Nevada beers always look great in the glass and this is no exception to the rule.  The beer pours a rich amber/orange colour, synonymous with this type of beer, below a soft fluffy head.  To give you a firmer idea of the colour, think a jar of rich marmalade.  Resinous hops are at the forefront of the beer as is to be expected, but the delivery is far more familiar than when I sampled the 'wet hop' version.  There isn't that same sock to the jaw.  You can look at it from different angles I suppose, there is not as much of a surprise element here, but at the same time it's easier to digest.  Along with the heavy handed hops, there are tones of citrus and caramel, and in the end the combination bears the fruits of a brilliant IPA.

It is an expensive beer, and I'm having an internal battle with myself as to whether it is worth the price of admission or not.  Sometimes when you drop this amount of coin on a rare once off beer then you want somewhat of a unique experience.  If you've been around the block once or twice with Sierra Nevada and IPAs in general then you won't be caught off guard here.  What you will get though, is a fantastic IPA.  Should you be asking more than that?  I am not entirely sure.  So on that note, I will give it the same score as the Northern Hemisphere version and let you decide for yourself.

8.5/10

Mad Brewers Hoppy Hefe

The Hefeweizen can be a bland style of beer, often because the ingredients are for the most part the same, and the difference from one brew to the next can be subtle at best.   When it comes down to it, the Hefeweizen is the vanilla at the Gelati stand, the Corolla in the car yard, or the iPhone of beers... perhaps without the vicious lawsuits.   Once you peel away the packaging, and strip the marketing garb, the bare bones you are left with form essentially the same product as the last.   I do enjoy a good wheat beer when thoroughly parched on a hot summers day, but have yet to really embrace the genre, as there is never enough meat on the bones to justify the class as a versatile beer.   Enter Mad Brewers' Hoppy Hefe.  

A 7% Hefeweizen that comes only in a 640ml bottle, brewed by our own Malt Shovel (of James Squire fame).   The label firmly declares that 'sweet and spicy' German wheat beers could do with a lashing of hops, and be all the better for it.   I certainly can't argue with that.   I am at a point in my life where Maccas could just about put me in a diabetic clinic by releasing a McHop Burger.

The pour of the 'Hoppy Hefe' is visually striking.   The body is incredibly thick with colour.  Think shades of orange, amber, and burnt peach, all working in intertwining circular layers as if it were brewed by an intergalactic crop artist.   You can actually swirl the liquid around in your glass, and watch the different shades and pigments glide around.   Compared to your average beer, this belongs in the Louvre.   A thin fluffy head sits perfectly atop the body in a crowning fashion.   The nose is pleasant, and smells like a resinous pine tree that has been genetically modified to bear fruit.   Monsanto would be incredibly jealous.

The tone of the beer is as much a Hefe, as Chris Farley was an inspiration for anorexia.   The feel is weighted, and moderately heavy like a good American Pale Ale.   There is a mild oily slickness to it, but the delicacy is something that I have rarely encountered.   It's akin to being brutally socked in the jaw... by a feather bat.   Being swung by a fluffy cloud.   The addition of hops have wrought havoc upon the light carbonated sting that normally accompanies a wheat beer.   The flavours are complex, but balanced, with passion fruit and nectarine-like fruits vying for supremacy amongst sweetened wheat, and bitter hops.   Nothing is truly allowed to dominate, and where a dead heat might normally leave a crowd feeling numb and unfulfilled, this is full of life and breeds nothing but contentment.

This is one of the best Hefeweizens I've ever drunk.   The truth is though, had the word 'Hefe' not been printed on the label I likely would not have considered it to be so.   This is really an American Wheat Ale, for want of a more accurate term.   But lets not descend into genre arguments, for that is why God invented YouTube.


8.5/10

Red Duck White Garden

I had been wanting to keep reviewing beers on a more regular basis, but alas, life has gotten in the way.  After weeks of drinking cases of the same beer, over and over, I decided the funk must be broken.  There were a few random stowaway beers at the back of the fridge, and the first one I picked up was Red Duck's White Garden.  Red Duck are a very small brewery based in Victoria, whose wares I have sampled before.  In general, they are an above average brewer so I wasn't intimidated by the chances of this one being a dud.

It's hard to imagine what one might be doing when entering 'White Garden'.  You could simply be walking in to a large collection of daisies, or perhaps the ceremonial grounds of the Ku Klux Klan.  The write up on the label describes the ale as a mixture of various malts, combined with Raspberry and Rhubarb Jam.  Boy, that escalated quickly.  I wasn't expecting

'White Garden' to be the moniker of a beer brewed with condiments that are, for the most part, red.  The name is all in the appearance.  The ale pours a very light whitish/yellow, and hardly even looks like a beer.  The body is not translucent however, and has a serious murkiness to it.  It is littered with 'floaters', and resembles the Atlantic Ocean amidst the aftermath  of the Titanic.  Much like the disastrous event, the majority of these floaters perilously sink to the bottom.  We all know there was room for two people on that piece of wood Kate Winslet, you selfish bitch. 

If you've followed my reviews you'll know that I don't often pay much to credence to the appearance and 'nose' of a beer, unlike many other wankfest beer writers, but Jesus Christ the smell that eminates from this beer is something horrific.  The aroma is confoundedly tart, almost to the point of being rotten.  Basically, it smells like Madonna.  I know you probably think I'm being comedic here, but I honestly would not be surprised if Madonna smelt like this beer.

Just when you think you may have some sort of a grasp over this concoction, you end up taking a sip.  It doesn't taste like raspberry, or rhubarb.  The sweetness you might have been expecting has been brutally beaten to death by what can only be described as a sour mess.  The feel of the beer is flimsy and watery, and adds nothing to the overall experience whatsoever.  I cannot think of any circumstance that anyone would 'want' to drink this.  Then just to add insult to injury

as you approach the final third of the drink, which is a considerable amount, you are confronted with a naval minefield of floating crap that not even the Red October could navigate it's way through.

The overall 'taste' of the beer is not bad, it's drinkable, but the entire package as a whole is unrefined, unnecessary, and essentially useless.  Avoid.

3.5/10

Mornington Pale

Mornington Peninsula Brewery is another Victorian micro that has been making a bit of noise lately, with this Pale Ale in particular gathering some favourable reviews around the traps. 

The logo on the bottle has a bit of a cheeky history to go with it.  The symbol is derived from 16th Century alchemy, and signifies 'drinkable gold'.  Apparently 'drinkable gold' at one point was sold as a fail safe remedy to 'cure all illness'.  Medieval times were fascinating in this regard, as mankind had managed to escalate the advancement of death dealing weaponry and disease, yet hadn't succeeded in keeping medicine anywhere as nearly up to scratch.  Whereas now you might leave the doctor's office with some antihistamines, back in the day you likely would have been carrying two raven feathers and an eye of newt for the same ailment.  Nevertheless, you can't argue with a beer brewer using such a symbol to hawk their wares.

The Mornington Pale pours a crisp orange colour, and stands up to it's billing as an American style Pale Ale in appearance at least.  It looks similar to a Little Creature's Pale Ale, with a touch less cloudiness blurring the atmosphere.  Immediately as you raise the glass, a striking waft of fruity aromas spear your nostrils like a blade forged by Hattori Hanzo himself.  The significance of which I struggle to accentuate through words, but it resembles a party at Tony Montana's house after all the coke has run out, and everyone has resorted to chopping up passion fruits and mandarins out of sheer desperation.

The taste of the beer is an exact replica of it's nose.  The blend of light citrus and passion fruit is absolutely seamless.  To be honest I wouldn't have bothered trying to muscle in on the American Pale Ale crowd because this deserves it's own genre.  Like the Stone & Wood Pacific Ale, this is a tropical paradise in a bottle.  It should be drunk under an umbrella on the beach while a lovely lady massages your beautiful brake foot.  I doubt as to whether even Katut could bring you a drink as delicious as this.  The body is light and refreshing, and there are marginal hints of resin and sweet malt, but the assemblage of the tropical style fruits is the sure fire party stealer.

I've drunk a few fruit powered beers that don't always get the balance right.  Mornington Peninsula Brewery have hit the nail square on the head.  It isn't a beer for all occasions, and doesn't quite boast the versatility of other Pale Ales, but what it does do is execute with the enthusiasm of a Texan judge.  Fantastic summer beer, and one that I will look out for when the scorching sun finally returns to Melbourne.

Cheers.

8/10

Karl Strauss Tower 10 IPA

After spending the last while drinking standard ales and lagers, I started getting that itching feeling.  My skin felt like it was burning, my eyes were twitching uncontrollably...  I couldn't sleep...  I couldn't concentrate.  I needed another hit of hops.  It was time for a fix.

HOOK IT TO MY VEIN.

I picked up this at the same time as the Dundee IPA, this number was only $17 for a six pack and is an imported IPA from San Diego, California.  The story goes that in the 1980s, under Lifeguard 'Tower 10', two college grads and an old brew master drew up plans to start the first craft brewhouse in the area.  This West Coast style IPA pays homage to this moment of grandeur, so lets hope that it delivers truly.

The Tower pours an amber colour with tones of copper, bearing a lovely orange hue bursting through it with some light in the room.  It looks pretty good, a bit thin, but West Coast IPAs are generally a few kilos lighter than those from the Eastern Conference.  The first impression this beer leaves is deeper than the Chicxulub Crater.  The word bitter does not even cut the mustard.  Once it really lays the boot in, the bitterness factor of this beer is more assertive than Joseph Stalin's dominatrix.   The feel has that slick oily resin element, but it is extremely subtle for a powerful IPA.  The balance between meaty flavours and refreshing texture is quite astounding, and is something that has to be experienced.

I recommend this beer.  It does come with a warning however.  If you have never tinkered with this genre of beer before, then you may walk out of this experience looking somewhat like a napalm victim.  There are some subtle citrus fruits and sweet tones, but above all it's a gatling gun full of pine needles coated in a residue so bitter it may have been sourced from Eddie McGuire's tears after last year's Grand Final.

A solid, refreshing IPA at an affordable price.  Definitely not amongst my favourite beers, but I still give a nod of acknowledgement in it's general direction.

7.5/10

BrewBoys GT Lager

This lonely lager was sitting by itself in the corner of a fridge at The Local when it was being cleared out, during it's closing down sale.  While I was particularly on the lookout for some unique ales, I thought what the hey?  Sometimes you just want a nice, clean, refreshing beer instead of the liquid version of a Dali painting.  I'll readily admit that at times I am guilty of being a beer snob and refusing to drink anything that doesn't taste like diving head first into a barrel of hops, while wearing Steven Tyler's mouth and Charlie Sheen's nostrils.

The 'GT' Lager presents itself like a 70's V8.  The GT stripes and badging, and '35.1 bitterness units' being presented as an advertisement of cubic inches - 351.  Otherwise known as 5.8 litres in our language.  I'm a bit of a petrol head, so I 'get' what they are trying to do here, but even to me it still comes off as sitting somewhere between straight to DVD sequels and Christmas sweaters on the tackiness scale.  I likely never would have bought this on presentation, if it wasn't 40% off and one of the last bottles on the shelf.

The GT pours a surprisingly rich amber colour.  There is no head to be seen, as is to be expected, but apart from that you could be mistaken for thinking this is an amber ale, albeit a soft one.  The feeling is crisp and refreshing and sharply carbonated.  The depth is found in the flavour, a trait not commonly found in the bottom fermented version of our favourite beverage.  Nuts, caramel, malt, hops...  it has all the traits of an amber, but just wears a skimpier outfit.  It takes the bolder tastes of the beer world and makes them exceptionally easier to pound down.  Kind of like the British economy.  Get it?  Pound down?  The pound... ah forget it.

6.5/10

Moa Blanc

Boutique bottle shop 'The Local' in Balaclava had a closing down sale on Saturday, and while most of the carcass had been picked clean I did manage to snaffle a few cheap beers I hadn't tried before.  I also snared some Jalapeno peanuts which were on some serious next level shit.  It is distressing to know that it will be the first and only time I will ever get to sample such a delicacy.  One minute of silence please, for the nuts.

I remember liking the Moa range when I went through a few of them last year, notably the Lager, Pale Ale and Pilsner.  I have now also perused their Witbier, otherwise known as 'Blanc'.  Moa have managed to develop a signature feel to their range, which is something admirable given how flooded the world is with different beers nowadays.  Both a blessing and a curse, the winds of trade have brought us some delectable ales, but also a cavalcade of fizzy yellow piss in the same gust.  Moa brew spicy, clean, thirst quenching beers that don't pretend to try and wow the hop headed snobs, just demolish their parched mouths.

The beer pours an orangey straw yellow, without much head, and looks pretty much like every other witbier you've ever drunk.  Which is to be expected.  The feel of the Blanc is light and crisp, but weighted just enough to not feel watery.  Pepper and zesty citrus dominate the forefront, the finish resembling some sort of a malty lemon.  It's all very familiar, and by no means a stand out witbier, but there is something so damn refreshing about Moa's beers...  it's like stumbling upon a glistening oasis after a six hour trek through the Kalahari, where you had nothing to eat in your backpack but a stick of beef jerky wrapped in sandpaper.

Nothing groundbreaking or out of the ordinary.  Very safe in terms of ingredients, flavours and style, but nevertheless, a very tasty and refreshing take on the wheat beer genre.  Only a wanker would really try and sit there and poke gaping holes in a beer like this.  It isn't trying to reinvent the wheel, because it doesn't have to.

7/10

Dundee India Pale Ale

The cheap imported IPA.  A glimmering beacon when it first catches the eye, that can soon turn in to a running of the gauntlet once you pass the checkout.  Craft IPAs are almost never conservatively priced.  I often paid 8 or 9 dollars for a single IPA during my 365 day challenge, a transaction that under normal circumstances would have been harder to justify than Vanilla Ice's career.  Astonishingly at the time, this six pack only asked but 15 dollars for it's purchase, a price so low that I nearly moved past it out of pure disbelief that a solid IPA could be had at that rate.

Dundee is an American brewery, based in New York, of which I know absolutely nothing about and had never heard of prior to drinking this beer.  The beer pours an orangey copper colour, clearer than your run of the mill IPA, with little head retention.  The colour is nice, but does look a little light on the 'oompf' at a glance, but this would not be the first time my eyes hath deceived me.  This could be a wolf in sheep's clothing.

The feel of the beer is interesting, as it has a crispness to it that I expected due to the clear body, but there is still enough depth there to solidify it's place in the genre.  The flavours however are akin to a tornado that has just ripped through a farm.  There are citrus tones, bitter hops, biscuits and bread, but rather than working together in stages it feels almost like your mouth is hosting a Royal Rumble, and the referee is currently knocked out after a stray swing of a chair.

While not as clinical as a title fight, the royal rumble still has it's place.  Order can, at times, come from chaos and given the moderate price I can't be too judgmental here.  One gripe I will raise though is with the bitterness factor.  Yes, IPAs are often bitter, but there are degrees and variances to be had.  The finish to this beer sour and bitter, and cheap and metallic in quality.  It comes on so quickly that you cannot even compute the core ingredients of the beer.  The whole experience ends up a bit like Grant Hackett's apartment after a day at the track.

If you're a hop head and love an IPA, and none of your multis came through, then this is an affordable drop.

6/10

Gage Roads Atomic Pale Ale

Reasonably priced handcrafted Pale Ales. The curvy brunettes of beer, in my humble opinion. The newest beer that I have sampled is from a Western Australian brewery, Gage Roads. I picked up a sixer of these for a very acceptable sounding $16, under the premise that I was about to willingly unleash Hiroshima on my tastebuds. Branding your Pale Ale, 'Atomic', is really sticking your neck out. Given the competition in this space nowadays, you'd better resemble a great big fuck off diplodocus.

The Atomic Ale pours a darkish orange colour with some slight copper tones. Somewhere in between midlife crisis Brighton mother and Snooki. An attention seeking head of bubbles appears only momentarily before quickly receding back from whence it came, not unlike the career of Chumbawumba. The body and feel is quite light, with a fleeting sting to it's carbonation. The flavours are dark malts and citrus, with the main lives of the party being orange and citrus. The hops are present, but not nearly enough. There's a slight tease, and a moment of allure, but you never quite leave the friendzone.

 In an Australian summer this would be a smashingly drinkable ale. The citrus and the soft biting carbonation would work an absolute treat. However when lining up the 'Atomic' Ale against all the other Pale Ales out there, and in this country in particular, it proves itself to be a beer of Cold War proportions. Chests are puffed, claims are made, but when push comes to shove not a single shot is fired. It's a good beer. This is by no means a negative review. I was just hoping for a little bit more from what I would call an ambitously titled beer. False flags are flown to divert attention, and in this case, the mission was a success. My eye was caught.

6/10

Wingwalker American Pale Ale

After completing the challenge I took a break from tirelessly searching for strange beers, and spent some time just drinking whatever I felt like drinking at the time. Recently though after a trip to Dan Murphy's to pick up some bottles of liquor, I wandered past the beer aisle to see if there was a not-too-expensive six pack of something interesting. I saw a label that I'd never seen before (with a tempting $17 price tag), depicting a dude hanging upside down from an old school plane on some next level aeronautical acrobatics. Somewhat reminiscent of a scene from a Michael Bay movie, had he been born in 1875. It turned out to be a New York brewery called Wingwalker, there were a couple of varieties but I picked up the American Pale Ale. The beer pours as an APA does... but does have a bit of a 'watered down' appearance to it. Without casting too strong a judgement, as some soft looking ales still conceal a weapon in the belt. The appearance is a light copper colour, deep in tone but clear through. The body is also fairly light and spritely, but thirst quenchingly refreshing. The initial flavours are bready and biscuity, with a moderately sweet caramel tone trailed by a soft, but not insignificant, hopped finish. It's all there. All the stock standard elements are present for a run of the mill American Pale Ale. The execution... is not bad, but it's just not at all that exciting. It just doesn't feel sturdy. It's almost like the grade A tools were given to the unlicensed builder. That being said, for an imported $17 Pale Ale six pack it's not that bad of a purchase. American style Pale Ales are right up there amongst my favourite beers, and while this far from being earth shattering, it was a refreshing and affordable drop. 6/10

Mountain Goat Rare Breed IPA

THE LAST BEER!


So here we are... the final beer! It's been a long, arduous, and expensive adventure but I haven't regretted it for a minute. It's broadened my horizons and developed my palette, ruining my perception of mainstream beer, but left me a better man for it. The final beer is a handmade limited run IPA from a local brewery. At $16 a pop I figure I can't go wrong!

The 'Rare Breed' pours a toffee/amber colour with enough haze to rival the LA skyline. A huge, creamy, expansive head explodes to the surface before very slowly beginning it's descent, but never entirely vanishing from sight. Coincidentally, the feel of the beer actually mirrors this perfectly. The texture is surprisingly creamy, and starts with a bang before the tide begins to recede and allows the flavours to shift to the forefront. There is the obvious dominance of hops, but also some vanilla sweetness and tangy fruits. The bitterness is restrained, but this is fine, because the supporting flavours are fantastic. It's still hoppy enough to solidify itself as a strong IPA, but a lot smoother than the majority of other examples of this breed.

I know it was expensive, but really it sits on a whole other level to what most people imagine when they think of 'beer'. Mass production, as it has in near everything, really drains the soul out of beer. Sure, huge vats and monstrous batches lower your 'cost per unit' and allow you to 'maximise profits'... but turning art into a number is a crime in itself. Unless it's forced in to my hand, I won't be going back there. I'm happy to pay a little extra for something made by man, rather than machine. This was a fitting beer to symbolise the biggest learning point of this whole exercise. I'll try and do a wrap up soon, and might even keep doing reviews on new beers I come across down the line. But for now, it's time to close the curtain, but thanks for watching!

9/10

Sierra Nevada 2011 Northern Hemisphere Harvest

2...


This rare character is a 'wet hop ale'. Apparently when the hops are at the peak of their flavour, they are plucked and delivered to Sierra Nevada within 24 hours, and do not go through a drying process. Slightly elevated at 6.7% AHV, and given SV's reputation I am expecting a bone scorching level of bitterness.

The ale pours a cloudy amber/copper colour with a solid, creamy head. The feel is unique and unexpected, like the sound of laughter during a Dane Cook performance, and feels very light and crisp yet still weighted at the same time. Basically, if you are even allergic to hops in the slightest, you will immediately fall into anaphylactic shock by being within earshot of a burp from someone who just drank this beer. The difference is in the 'wet hop' element, the aftertaste is tart and sticky, as well as being triumphantly bitter. It does take some getting used to, but luckily you have the equivalent of 3.8 standard drinks in this one bottle.

It's quite an endeavor just to finish off this bottle. There is a supporting cast of vanilla and malt, but at the end of the day there is one glaring Godzilla taking over the city. Hops. If you think hops are just a preservative and love a nice fizzy lager then you can just fuck right off. It's even at a level above what I can comfortably bear, it's a brilliant beer, but getting through this much of it in one hit is a mission.

8.5/10

Stone Brewing Co Arrogant Bastard Ale

3...

Without wanting to appear lazy, I am just going to take a section of the blurb on this bottle and post it here because it is pure gold.

"This is an aggressive ale. You probably wont like it. It is quite doubtful that you have the taste or sophistication to be able to appreciate an ale of this quality and depth. We would suggest that stick to safer and more familiar territory - maybe something with a multi-million dollar ad campaign aimed at convincing you it's made in a little brewery, or one that implies their tasteless fizzy yellow beer will give you more sex appeal. Perhaps you think multi-million dollar ad campaigns make a beer taste better. Perhaps you're mouthing your words as you read this."

I love it. Without wanting to sound like an arrogant bastard myself, I agree wholeheartedly. I'm no ivory tower dweller though, I'm well aware that I used to be one of those uneducated drones. I still shudder and grimace when I overhear someone talk about how 'amazing' Stella Artois is, or how James Boags is their 'favourite beer'. Not to tactically discredit either, but it's no different than swirling your wine glass around and proclaiming how voluptuous the tannins are in the 2012 Sunnyvale goon bag.

To the beer though, Arrogant Bastard Ale is no Mundine. It backs up it's mouth, and then some. The pour is a unique looking reddish/brown, perhaps due to the oak wood chip aging process. The feel of the beer is warm and deep. The malts are sweet and are underpinned by caramel, with some piney bitterness bursting through and lingering around well after the party has finished. It's a very strong, complex beer and the write up from the brewers is bang on. I would've hated this 2-3 years ago, but right now... I'm loving it.

8.5/10

La Chouffe

4...

And back to Belgium we go. The pompously named La Chouffe is emblazoned with a golden yellow background, and what looks like a Caucasian Papa Smurf stroking his beard contently. It's another blond, and from what I've briefly read a beer with respectable pedigree.

The ale pours a murky peach/amber colour and is far from the sparkling champagne like effect that some other Belgian blonds have. There is a solid bubbling head that fades and leaves a fingernail of residue on the surface. The feel is definitely weighted, and has a brief oily slickness to the body. The flavours are citrusy, with a smooth vanilla/caramel like underbelly. The carbonation is sharp, but in a good way, and the finish is drier than watching a Bill Murray marathon from a sandpaper deckchair.

There is though, something indecipherably odd about this beer which I can't describe. One sip tastes great, then the next average...even though it kind of still tastes the same. It's a pretty complex beer for a blond, and perhaps my still novice taste buds are not yet adapting. I can recommend it as a good drop, not my personal favourite, but we have here an undoubtedly well made beer.


7/10

Hix Pale Ale

5...

After a mission down the street in hotter than expected weather, I staggered back in to the house mumbling "Beer...beer...BEER". Sitting inside of the door of the fridge was a wine bottle sized Pale Ale, screaming out to me like a wounded Banshee. I'd never heard of 'Hix' but according to the bottle they hail from Dromana in Victoria, the home of possibly the most famous seat in all the state. From memory this was a very reasonably priced beer for such a large serving... so while expectations weren't high, in my current dehydrated state I felt like I was still having a punt in the company of Hansie Cronje and Don King. In other words, the odds were on my side.

The ale poured a deep orange with a full creamy head, but still maintained transparency, not unlike a Little Creatures pale ale. Fucking beautiful. So far it was cheap, huge, and looked the goods. I have to admit at first I absolutely smashed it down because I was stinging for a drink of anything, and it tasted like the unquestionable nectar of the gods. Once sufficiently quenched, it was time to slow down and attempt to dissect with more precision. Like a surgeon, or in my case a year 8 science student. The feel is quite light at first but comes through a little harder midway. There is a swirling amalgamated tornado of flavours that vary from caramel through to orangey citrus, with a huge body of hops all the way through from start to finish.

It is perilously easy to drink, and the entire 500mls was gone in a flash. It feels complicated, but unrefined at the same time, yet still very palatable. The fact that I was dying of thirst may well have influenced this experience, but I can only call it as I see it. This is a great American style Pale Ale, at a reasonable price, in a large serving. Tick, tick, tick. Won't take the world by storm, but doesn't need to. I reckon I would grab this again.

8/10

Brew Dog Hardcore IPA

6...

This is another one of those 8-9 dollar beers that I agonised over buying. I love a good IPA, but for one beer, it really is a steep price. Still, given there have been a few shockers lately it can't do me too much harm to lash out once in a while. Brew Dog are a UK brewery, and I have sampled many of their beers. They talk a big game, often bigger than they walk, but in general their roster is consistant and strong enough. This 9.2% IPA, at $8.50, should surely be a flagship beer.

It pours a fantastic amber/orange cover with a soapy head, and manages to look like a genuine IPA. The most apparent feature right off the bat is the mouthfeel... it is very thick, and leaves a sticky residue around your mouth. Remember when you used to rub your glue stick on your hand as a kid, and then peel it off? Yeah. It's sticky. The flavour is dominated by candy sweet malts and a pine laden barrage of bitterness, driven by a winding uppercut of hops. The alcohol volume is incredibly well masked given it's almost 1/10th of the total volume.

This is definitely one of the least sessionable IPAs I've had, but at this price it's not like you are going to buy a six pack anyway. It's a bit of a one off. But really.. that's minimising the potential of your product. I can think of various alternative options for my money than this, which renders an unacceptable opportunity cost. I have to give it a high rating, because it is a great beer, but it is obviously overpriced. Being nowhere near as refined as a trappist ale or something of similar value.

8/10

Robinson's Old Tom Strong Ale

7...

This beer brandishes a 'World Beer Awards' World's Best Ale moniker on the neck of the bottle. I don't know much about the World Beer Awards and their subsequent credibility, but nevertheless placing that on your beer is to strut with a Rick James level of swagger. The blurb on the back of the bottle mentions that the beer is booming with 'dark fruits, ripe malt and a deep port wine finish'. Ouch. That does not sound appealing according to my general tastes.

The ale pours a deep almost purple/maroon tinged black, with an ever so slight head that hangs around and refuses to disappear. The smell is epic... you can definitely smell the port. I am sensing a titanic struggle ahead... as I am not a wine drinker, which pretty much makes me not a port drinker by default. The feel of the beer is somewhat flimsy, but bone dry. There is nothing but a proverbial barren wasteland where my mouth once stood. Port, fruits and malt dominate, much like the blurb warned. I really can't handle it, I'm happy to admit that. At 8.5% with these ingredients it is like thermite.

How this ever won a world beer award is beyond me. It's barely a beer to begin with. Maybe the WBA is an organisation trademarked by Robinson's, and is just for a bit of show. Like a Dermatological Excellency Association on a skin cream ad, or the results of a mobile phone cancer research report funded by Nokia. I'm sure there are people out there that would crucify me for this review, but this beer just really doesn't play to my tastes.

2.5/10

Abbaye De Forest

8...

There's been a few too many Belgian blond beers lately, but this was once again what happened to be in the fridge. Still, it's a nice warm day and that's the natural habitat of the blond beer.

The ale looks beautifully ugly in the glass. The colour is a murky amber with tinges of yellow and gold, but has more depth to it than one would expect. The head is tall and durable and caps off what is already looking very intriguing.
The feel of the beer is great, light and crisp (perfectly carbonated) but still solid. Unfortunately the flavours don't really come through as much as I had hoped. It's extremely yeasty, with sweet honey-like edges. I can't say that the combination really works for me. There is also a sourness to it that feels similar to bobbing for lemon warheads in a barrel of vinegar.

It's almost like one of those absolutely epic drunken fast food runs, where you end up eating enough to feed 3 African tribes. It feels good on one hand, but also so wrong on the other. The build of the beer works, high AHV, solid body, balanced carbonation... but the actual guts of the operation have gone afoul. It's like enriching a plot of land with fertile soil, and then building an Ed Hardy store on top of it. I want to like this beer, but I don't. Maybe it is simply just my personal tastes, or maybe it really is just an ultimate failure of a Belgian ale. You'd have to try it yourself to decide.

4/10

Matso's Mango Beer

9...

I am very apprehensive about this... as I really don't get into novelty bullshit and fruity beers. Raspberry beers, while often delicious, are simply not 'beer' in the true sense. It's difficult to compare them to any other normal genre of beer, because often the taste is like some variation of other mixed drink. Given the pounding heat of late, I figured that a mango brew might go down alright on a hot arvo.

Before you even go in for a sample, you are whacked square in the shnoz by the sweet aroma of mango. While in one sense this was to be expected, the dominance of the smell is still staggering. It's enough to knock Con The Fruiterer off his feet. The pour really just looks like a fizzy yellow lager, with no redeeming qualities. The taste is abundantly mango...and does taste real enough as well, as opposed to feeling synthesized. In fact at first I couldn't even make out anything else behind it. This was in hindsight a good thing, because as the malt began to kick in, the end result was about as harmonious as the Gaza Strip. The clash is more like a tug of war than a mutual embrace, with veins of sweet fruit swinging back and forth with streaks of savoury bread, like a game of totem tennis between a giant mango and a malt shovel...

You might be imagining that right now, thinking it to be quite a spectacle. And you might also be thinking that you'd take 2-1 odds on the mango. But at the end of the day this isn't a beer, and it never will be. It's a novelty act for people that don't actually like beer. Otherwise known as heathens. It's for people who don't like the taste of alcohol, but just like to blame it the following morning.

3/10

Maredsous 6 Blond

10...

Maredsous 6 Blond

Maredsous Dubbel, or '8', was a slightly underwhelming but positive experience, that in turn perhaps lowered my expectations before trying their Blond, or the '6' (which refers to the alcohol content). Belgian blondes are a bit of a difficult genre for me, as they are often these really light, sharp, summery beers that in most cases pack a Manny Pacquiao wallop, that while welcome in some circumstances are often not when shrouded by such a light surrounding.

This 'Blond' however is barely a blonde at all... strawberry blonde perhaps? It pours more of an orange/golden pale ale colour, with a moderately dense body and fluffy head. Looks great, better than most in the genre. The taste is very big at first, packed with yeast and malts but enough sweetness to balance the equation. The finish is lightly hopped, and is more spicy than bitter. The carbonation is sharp as expected, but given the elevated flavour of this blond it does cheapen the experience just a touch.

Something of a hybrid then... a little bit of golden ale and a bit of pale ale, all done with a Belgian bravado. There is something in the tail that feels a bit tacky, which keeps it from hitting an 8, but apart from that it's a very solid beer. This is my idea of a hybrid. Not some plastic piece of shit Toyota.

7.5/10

Grisette Blanche

It should be noted that this beer had an already unfair advantage over the competition. Not knowing what I wanted for lunch today, I ended up constructing the mother of all McGyver sandwiches. Leftover roast chicken and salami marinated in Mesquite BBQ sauce, with homegrown cherry tomatoes, shredded cheese and jalapenos... then smashed that in the jaffle iron. Shit was out of this world. I would bet that almost any beer would have tasted amazing washing down that piece of kitchen mastery.

The beer in question was a Belgian witbier called Grisette Blanche. It was off to an unimpressive start given the small bottle and label that looks like it hasn't been updated since 1982. Upon the pour the hour of redemption chimed, as the beer presented a glorious cloudy golden colour with a nice fluffy head. With a mouth full of southern style barbecued goodness I took a swill... and all was good. Sweet, almost lemonade like textures, with wheat and orange citrus. It's all pretty nicely balanced, and was gone in a heartbeat. I wasn't able to nurse it long enough to get more in depth than that.

Strangely, despite the overall similarities across the genre, witbiers have grown on me. Initially what was boring, and repetitive, became appealing and refreshing given the right environment. With some tasty meats, or out under a scorching sun, they really are one of the better options to reach for. Good beer, can recommend it.

*This also begins the countdown to the last TEN beers!*

7/10

Moa Methode

Moa's Original Lager and Pale Ale were both delectably drinkable beers, and while not quite reaching the upper stratospheres, they did entrench themselves as one of the most respectable brewers across the Tasman Sea. What was most impressive was the ability to develop a 'feel' to their beers which was unique to Moa. Spicy, full bodied, refreshing. The strangely titled 'Methode', is a Pilsner.

Things were looking up from the moment it hit the glass. Pale golden yellow, with an almost creamy looking cloudiness to the body, and a huge frothing head. The taste is absolutely massive for a Pilsner. It tastes like cereal grains, with a hefty spiced kick. The feel is solid, like the other Moa's, and the carbonation significantly subdued for a Pils. The aftertaste is highly hopped, and leaves a strong bitter finish. This is a fantastic Pilsner. I could sit out in the sun drinking these without a care in the world, until I passed out in a heap and had to be rolled in to the shade to protect my ghostly skin. 200 years of evolution in this country has done my bloodline nothing.

Maybe it's in the genetics... or maybe we really do know our beers, but I have an affinity with both Aussie and Kiwi micro brewers. I feel as though I am being unbiased, I genuinely believe we brew some of the best beers in the world over here. It's a damn shame that there are plenty of dickheads who only believe something is of quality when it's 'imported'. Most of the imported Pilsners I've drunk taste like horse piss. This scrapes in as a world class beer, and given that I rarely swoon over this style of beer, it's an achievement well earned.

7.5/10

Perla Chmielowa

Here we have a 'premium' 6% Pilsner from Poland. I have to be honest, when I saw this sitting in the fridge I assumed it to be another Italian lager due to the red, green, and white flag and the name 'Perla'. While this could very easily go either way, I was slightly more upbeat knowing it was a hefty Polish beer. Will the Perla be a pearler after all?

The Pilsner pours a slightly bronzed golden yellow. Like an authentic Filipino Rolex. The taste is very familiar... slightly sweet and bready, with a pretty clean finish. The mild sweetness in tune with the bitter hops almost has a green apple like effect. Really at the end of the day it's a Euro Pilsner, with just a touch more weight behind it. The elevated alcohol is unnoticeable.

At the end of the day, this is no velociraptor riding a shark through a burning hoop. It's a fairly boring beer, but when you compare it with the general Euro lager market it does present itself as an appealing option. It does seem like a 'food beer'. I feel like I should drinking this with some sort of spicy meat product...like a Hungarian snag or something. Instead I'm drinking it before heading out to see Immortal Technique, one of the most inspiring lyricists of this generation... and somehow it didn't really fit the bill.

4/10

Moritz Epidor

What a mindfuck this beer is. It presents itself as just another big Euro lager, and let's be honest the Spaniards don't really do beer any better than the rest of Europe. I really held no high hopes at all for this drop, but considering I was slapping a ton of meat on the barby I was happy to have something basic as a companion to wash it all down.

Things took a turn however when I poured the beer into a glass. It surprisingly appeared more of an amber colour, with a nice sizable head... this I did not expect! All of a sudden my interest peaked. Maybe this wasn't going to be just another one out of the box. I hurriedly took a swill... and calamitously everything came crashing back down to Earth. This shit is like paint stripper. The solvent-like alcohol burn is ridiculous, but this did prompt me to scan the label and discover that this is in fact a 7.2% lager. Earning a slight reprieve, but still, unacceptable. The flavours are sickeningly sweet, buoyed by fruits and malts. It's almost like a feigned attempt at a Belgian ale... except it's a Spanish lager.

If you back off and sip it slowly and work your way around the beer as a whole, it does become more palatable. I do still sit here asking myself why I'm drinking this beer. Had it not been for this challenge then I probably wouldn't. I guess that's the beauty and the beast of this whole process.

3/10

Maredsous 8 Dubbel

Yet another Belgian ale, this time a Dubbel. The average punter probably sees a Chimay or Duvel at the IGA and thinks it to be a bit of a novelty act. I used to be that guy. The amazing fact is that there is such a long list of impressive Belgian ales out there that it really puts everyone else to shame. Even if you aren't a huge fan of the style itself, which is a category that I somewhat fall in to, you still have to respect the fact that it's noticeably obvious that they really fuckin care. It's not just marketing some dry bitter fizzy water to a crowd of primates, there are generations of dedication in each bottle.

Enough of such wankerish ramblings however, on to the beer. This 8% dubbel pours an expectant auburn brown, with a deep granulated body and sizable head. The beer has only a moderate feel considering the pedigree, but is very crisp in return. The malt is dry, and the sweet and spicy fruits are subtle, if not a touch restrained. The finish is bitter, even sour, like certain white wines. I am as much a wine buff as Steven Hawking is a gymnast, but that's what it reminds me of.

Somehow though, I am unimpressed. To a degree. It's a slightly more boring version of something great I've had before. Kind of like The Hangover 2. Strangely though, because the framework is so good, if someone offered me another slightly more boring version of this beer again... I would still drink it. It's a good scale to be towards the bottom of I guess. Good beer, but there are better variations.


7/10

Alhambra Reserva 1925

From the historic streets of Rome, we now venture to the similarly debt-riddled land of Spain. This looks a little bit like a hipster beer, because labels are too mainstream. Everything has been fused in to the glass, and is extremely hard to read. I am guessing this is because it wants to stay exclusive and underground.

The lager actually pours an orange colour, acting as more of an alternative act to your normal fizzy yellow euro beer. It's also at 6.4% making it more of a hardcore individual. Definitely hipster. It's almost as if someone has put an Arcade Fire demo tape and an old Broken Social Scene shirt in to a blender and poured it in to this bottle. I feel like I should be drinking this out of a knitted multicolour stubby holder that I found at the Salvo store. The taste, is actually not all that bad. Yes, it's watery and fizzy, but there is some considerable depth and the elevated alcohol is barely noticeable. It's bready and grainy and sweet, with a slightly bitter tingling finish.

While not an amazing beer, I would much rather this than a Stella or something of the ilk. It's very easy to wash down, and would be a dangerous session beer, but you also know that you are drinking a BEER. Not just some fizzy malt water that a lot of big European breweries serve up. One of the better big Spanish beers that I have experienced for sure. Let's just hope they don't sell out or become too popular...

6/10

Birra Roma

This appears to be the same mob that was behind the 'La Biretta Chiara', which ended up a very decent Italian lager. In an equally fancy bottle with minimalist design, most likely the work of a man named Sven, I am as bewildered as you about what exactly lies inside the near black bottle.

The beer pours a stunning deep amber colour, and appears astonishingly cloudy for what is a European export lager. A huge amount of foam bellows from the surface, leaving a head quite near the size of Christina Ricci's. I had to actually stop pouring, and wait for it fade somewhat before resuming. This is a very impressive looking beer for what advertises itself as 'golden coloured' and 'inspired by the German Marzen'.

The flavour is dominated by malts, which is a trait I've noticed across a few Italian lagers. There is also a smooth nuttiness through it and a long bitter finish. It's really a poor man's Amber Ale... which given that it's an Amber Lager is pretty much a true to fact statement. That being said, what a great lager it is when comparing it with the rest of the Euro crowd. In terms of quality it sits alongside the lighter sibling, this is more of a versatile beer that would probably go well with food, whereas the LBC was hugely refreshing. That was summer, this is winter.

6.5/10

Ottakringer Helles

Following up from yesterday's glorious Celebration Ale was always going to be a big ask, and unfortunately this is what I pulled out of the shelf. It's a German style lager from an Austrian brewery, and just has that 'average' look about it. The label is as engaging as flicking through a swatch of beige carpets, and the name sounds like that of a Third Reich SS officer.

The beer pours a bright lemon yellow colour, with a loud fizz which pretty much replaces an actual physical head. The feel of the beer is surprisingly creamy for something so light on it's toes, for which I must give partial credit, but the carbonation is about as sharp as a 12th century katana. It's overdone, as the beer would be refreshing enough without such intensity. Flavour wise it is relatively sweet, and is predominantly grains and malt with a very light touch of hops.

I'm sure that after a long hot day, pounding back one of these under the sun would be beyond acceptable. It would probably also excel at washing down a spicy Bratwurst. As a stand alone beer, shoulder to shoulder, it's only slightly above average. So that's as best as I can recommend, if it's a warm day and you're thirsty then you have a safe bet but otherwise there isn't a lot else to write home about.

6/10

Sierra Nevada Celebration Ale

Every time I find another Sierra Nevada beer that I haven't previously tried, I get excited. I thought I might have cleaned the cupboard bare, but here we have the seasonal 'Celebration Ale' which is brewed with the first hops of the season. Some 'Christmas' beers have strange qualities to them, often dark fruits, but I have a feeling this is going to be more of a hopfest. I am not disappointed by this in the slightest. In fact I am in somewhat of a state of arousal.

The ale pours a magnificent reddish caramel colour, with a generous head that laces the glass and leaves trails of wonderfulness on the surface of the beer. This is undoubtedly one of the most attractive looking beers I have ever seen. I have never wanted to consume a glass full of liquid as badly as I do right now. You can smell the hops from a Yao Ming's arm length. The opening feel is creamy, with toasty malts shining through before a wafting wave of bitter hops trample everything in a rampant stampede. The finish is mildly warm, with the AHV at 6.8%, but still very subtle given the fact.

BRILLIANT beer. Most likely the best seasonal beer I've ever drunk, and amongst one of the best beers flat out. It's a shame you can't get this year round, but then again, it is likely a wise decision. This needs to be a controlled substance. If this were available on every street corner then it would likely eclipse the drug and sex trades, thus robbing politicians of their livelihoods. While nothing in this world is perfect, there is conversely nothing I can fault in this beer.

9.25/10

Cuvee Des Trolls

This rather strangely titled, and labelled, ale hails from the holy brewing land of Belgium. I cannot make anything out from the bottle so I have no idea what I'm about to drink, but seeing as it's a Belgian ale, there is little to be concerned about. As per usual, the alcohol volume is elevated, in this instance sitting at 7%.

Upon releasing the troll from it's cage, it appears that this is a spicy blond ale. The ale bears a light golden hue, while wearing a foamy crown upon it's skull. The taste is, to be honest, a little underwhelming. Fruity and spicy, but just not as refined as I was expecting. Almost in the fashion of a white wine, the initial feel is thin and sweet before a dry finish rolls in to the distance. The flavours are too tame for this type of beer.

As far as trolls go, this is no David Thorne or Anonymous... try and imagine a bearded Dane Cook lurking underneath a bridge. That's the level we're playing at. So without branding it a 'bad' beer, I do have to say that I was undoubtedly disappointed. As far as Belgian blonds go, this one is a bit of a Kim Clijsters.



5.5/10

Lapin Kulta

Finland. A snow covered Scandinavian land filled with rally drivers, blond haired blue eyed women, and The Dudesons. They are also responsible for developing the most indestructible resource this planet has ever seen. The Nokia 3310. From my limited experience they seem a good bunch, if not slightly psychopathic. I don't say that in a negative sense either, crazy in small doses makes life interesting. This is a mass produced lager from the Finns, and given this, expectations are relatively low.

The lager pours a slightly more orange colour than expected, and has a strong frothy head. It actually looks impressive for the genre. Definitely hugging the curb of 'fizzy euro lager', but thankfully has some Mika Hakkinen about it. Not being an overly 'watery' beer, it carries a decent slab of malt, grains and hops across the flavour board. Slightly sweet, but the strong bitter hopped finish achieves in more than balancing this out.

This is a good beer, given the circumstances. I would probably rather drink this than most of our big beers, and that's all you can really compare it with. It's been brewed to be a beer, not a marketing ploy, and that is sometimes the best you can hope for. Lapin Kulta is at the snow capped pointy end of 'run of the mill'.

5/10

Murray's 'Shawn's Fault' India Black Ale

Muzza at it again. This time however I'm not as brimming with confidence as I normally would be, because this is a 7.5% 'India Black Ale'... I'm not really familiar with an 'IBA' per se, but I'm assuming this is some kind of Frankenstein-like combination of an IPA and a Dark Ale. The bottle also states that if you don't like it... it's 'Shawn's fault'. The tag line also reads 'nasty but nice'. Here goes nothing.

The ale pours as black as Batman's left boot, with little to no head. Much like the caped crusader, it sits there brooding and looking menacing in the glass. The first sip is an explosive cluster bomb, sending varied particles of flavour shrapnel scattering around my blast zone which is my mouth. The most obvious component is bitter dark chocolate, which is far closer to cocoa than milk chocolate. A mild streak of malt presents itself, before a surprisingly hopped finish is rounded out by a warming burn of alcohol. Wow. Not the greatest beer to drink during a heatwave, but I would guess that on a cold night in front of the fire this would be a more worthy companion.

The dark chocolate in combination with an amped level of hops is a bitter pill to swallow. My face right now probably resembles Gary Ablett on Brownlow night in 2008... just without the welling tears. Even the carbonation is big here, which is somewhat rare in both IPA's and Dark Ales. This is a completely left field beer. I can't say this up my alley, nor was it the right environment, but if you like dark beers then this is undoubtedly something to get excited about.

6.5/10

Dogfish Head 90 Minute IPA

Dogfish Head's 60 Minute IPA was a resounding winner in my eyes, and loftily sits amongst the best IPA's I've had on this challenge. This right here is the older sibling, the 9% 90 Minute IPA. As well as being a weight class or two above, it's also a social class higher. I still have three payments left to make on this beer, as it was over $9... in keeping with the theme I guess. The expectations are already sky high, as I almost didn't buy it because of the cost.

The beer looks beautiful in the glass. A clear, but thick bodied, deep orange with a short lived creamy head. I could already tell that I was in for a treat, as I prepared myself for the inevitable hurricane of hops that was about to relentlessly batter my mouth. A really good IPA is so simple, but so mind-bogglingly complex all at once. Really what we have here is a literal landslide of hops and malt, but the balance and execution is world class. The hops come on sharp, yet despite the heavy presence of malt it still seems subdued in comparison. Everything here is so slick, it's as if the beer was brewed with Elvis Presley's sweat.

Fantastic beer. Definitely not a session ale, the alcohol has been extremely well hidden but at 9% there's only so much that can be done. It is delicious, but is really best enjoyed slowly and appreciated, rather than smashed down in a hurry. On a 40 degree day, with the fan on and some homemade chicken tacos, this was a worthwhile experience and a justified price of admission. Just.

9/10

Whistler Brewing Co Export Lager

You may have noticed I've had a brief break over New Years. This wasn't really due to me not drinking, quite the opposite, but due to circumstances I didn't really have the time to sit down and write about every beer I consumed. I'm a fair way ahead of the game anyway, so don't need to play catch up. The first beer back after resuming stumps is a lager from the Whistler Brewing Co in Vancouver. I sampled some of their beers a long time ago when I was over there, and they had a 'Winter Ale' which was pretty solid. I can't say I remember the lager however.

This doesn't look great in the bottle I have to put out there. A very transparent yellow liquid sitting in a clear bottle...it really appears at first glance as just another fizzy yellow lager. And that's pretty much how it pours in the glass, and how it tastes as well. The feel of the beer is flimsy, but strangely enough the carbonation is also very light.

These are two attributes rarely seen together in a lager, and probably for good reason. Lagers don't have depth of flavour to carry deficiencies in body. Everything in this beer is weak. I feel like a gust of wind could kick past and it would blow away in to the distance, much like Kate Moss standing behind a backfiring Mustang.

As much as I love Vancouver, and Whistler, this is a shit beer. I'm not going to sugar coat it. When micro breweries are pumping out some lagers with solid flavours and bodies while still remaining crisp and refreshing... I can't give any credit to this impostor. After a day of carving up powder, I'd honestly rather sit down with a Draught than one of these.


2.5/10